FUCK
I loathe when people think that I’m shy rather than introverted. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being shy, I’m just not, and they are two separate things. People cajoling me into social situations try to assure me that I “don’t have to talk to everyone” or that “everyone will love me.”
Bitch, of course they will like me. I am delightful. I just find prolonged social interactions to be extremely exhausting.
“
| — | Comment by popculturemulcher in the article I’m Not a Miserable Bitch, I’m Just an Introvert (via red-sky) |
sangriento-mortel submitted:The FootMany years ago when I was rather young, me and my older sister shared a bedroom. One afternoon, she was on the top bunk reading and I was on the bottom bunk drawing. I saw a foot hanging down in between the bed and the wall. I didn’t think anything…
Oh holy shit.
oh my god, this is a real match and not an anime and there are no wires that actually happened in the real world. :O
…holy shit what
awesomeness
“Remember guys, Earth Day is every day!”
-Captain Planet’s pet bird
I love crows.
They’re so smart.
It probably saw people putting stuff in there day after day, and went ‘oh dat goes dere. see? I help.’
Crows are fukken awesome
Discharge Pt. 1
There have come to be a great number of moments in my life recently that I want to scream and not be heard. Today is one of them. Yesterday was one too. These feelings, thankfully, do not consume my entire day, but when I’m alone, or when my mind decides to wander away from the smiling faces around me, I feel this wrenching unease.
Even now, I’m posting this to my tumblr because, for one, the chances of people seeing this are slim, and two, the people that might are good enough to offer constructive comments, if they have any. I want to let these wrenching feelings out; dispel them into the great emptiness that is the internet, the digital world where it will spark once, and slowly fade to the bottom of everybody’s blogs, drowned out by images of cats, clever gifs, and excellent photos. My hope is that, once cast out, these raw aches and gnawing worry will fade from my mind much like they do from the sight of others. No longer secret and brewing in my mind, but tangible in the form of words and pixels, they will lose their power and I can gather my wits to move forward.
Anxiety. That gnawing discomfort that, if I were to have no self control, makes me wish to do nothing but writhe on the floor, clutching myself, and weep uncontrollably. More often than not, it is this obscure ache that I’m missing something; that I’m being betrayed or left behind. Nothing in particular sets this off, it just over comes me when I’m out and about. I feel a frantic need to do… something. To hide and regress, I suppose. To withdraw to my comfort zone that is my laptop and search out friends or search out my boyfriend and attempt to talk in a way that would not let on that my insides are grinding on each other in the most unpleasant of ways. When I do this, the ache subsides.
In the wake of my anxiety as it flees, depression sets in. How silly I am to do these things. Nothing is wrong. Nothing was wrong. My mind speaks to me as a separate entity: “You are a fool, why can you not be strong? Why can you not simply be happy in the moment? How pitiful you act. You’re lucky to have these caring people in your life when you’re always running away to hide. They won’t care for you for long if you keep dashing off. You’re fucking yourself over. Get your act together! You’re wasting time! Things aren’t that bad!”
These things ring true to me. I’ve moved back across the country with my tail between my legs and nothing to show for my adventures to the west coast but a few more scars (emotional and physical), less material goods to my name, and a greater debt. My life is now resting on my ability to pick myself up by the boot straps, find work, and settle into life with my family until I can crawl back out onto my own again. I want to return to school and get my Bachelor’s and make this student debt worth it. I need to find work to help my family for helping me. I try to pep talk myself, give myself steam and fight those heavy words my brain lashes out with, but over all, I feel quite crushed by the general feeling of uselessness. I failed so hard before and lost so much materialistically, emotionally, and physically. In general, I feel burnt out. I gave so much effort into trying to make my adventure to Oregon WORTH it, and ended up at a loss.
… More eats at me, but I’ve kinda lost my wind to type it all out. A second one will probably hit me later, and I will continue. This is the bulk of it.
